Out of 130 poems in the book, A Light in the Attic, here are the most controversial ones:
HOW NOT TO HAVE TO DRY THE DISHES
If you have to dry the dishes
(Such an awful, boring chore)
If you have to dry the dishes
(‘Stead of going to the store)
If you have to dry the dishes
And you drop one on the floor —
Maybe they won’t let you
Dry the dishes anymore.1Shel Silverstein, A Light in the Attic (New York: Harper & Row Publishers, 1981), 12.
MONSTERS I’VE MET
I met a ghost, but he didn’t want my head,
He only wanted to know the way to Denver.
I met a devil, but he didn’t want my soul,
He only wanted to borrow my bike awhile.
I met a vampire, but he didn’t want my blood,
He only wanted two nickels for a dime.
I keep meeting all the right people—
At all the wrong times. 2Ibid, 23.
LITTLE ABIGAIL AND THE BEAUTIFUL PONY
There was a girl named Abigail
Who was taking a drive
Through the country
With her parents
When she spied a beautiful sad-eyed
Grey and white pony.
And next to it was a sign
That said,
FOR SALE—CHEAP.
“Oh,” said Abigail,
“May I have that pony?
May I please?”
And her parents said,
“No you may not.”
And Abigail said,
“But I MUST have that pony.”
And her parents said,
“Well, you can have a nice butter pecan
Ice cream cone when we get home.”
And Abigail said,
“I don’t want a butter pecan
Ice cream cone,
I WANT THAT PONY—
I MUST HAVE THAT PONY.”
And her parents said,
“Be quiet and stop nagging—
You’re not getting that pony.”
And Abigail began to cry and said,
“If I don’t get that pony I’ll die.”
And her parents said, “You won’t die.
No child ever died yet from not getting a pony.”
And Abigail felt so bad
That when she got home she went to bed,
And she couldn’t eat,
And she couldn’t sleep,
And her heart was broken,
And she DID die—
All because of a pony
That her parents wouldn’t buy.(This is a good story
To read to your folks
When they won’t buy
You something you want.)3Ibid, 120.
LADIES FIRST
Pamela Purse yelled, “Ladies first,”
Pushing in front of the ice cream line.
Pamela Purse yelled, “Ladies first,”
Grabbing the ketchup at dinnertime.
Climbing on the morning bus
She’d shove right by all of us
And there’d be a tiff or a fight or a fuss
When Pamela Purse yelled, “Ladies first.”
Pamela Purse screamed, “Ladies first,”
When we went off on our jungle trip.
Pamela Purse said her thirst was worse
And guzzled our water, every sip.
And when we got grabbed by that wild savage band,
Who tied us together and made us all stand
In a long line in front of the King of the land-
A cannibal known as Fry-‘Em-Up Dan,
Who sat on his throne in a bib so grand
With a lick of his lips and a fork in his hand,
As he tried to decide who’d be first in the pan-
From back of the line, in that shrill voice of hers,
Pamela Purse yelled, “Ladies first.”4Ibid, 148.
CLARENCE
Clarence Lee from Tennessee
Loved the commercials he saw on TV.
He watched with wide believing eyes
And bought everything they advertised —
Cream to make his skin feel better
Spray to make his hair look wetter
Bleach to make his white things whiter
Stylish jeans that fit much tighter.
Toothpaste for his cavities,
Powder for his doggie’s fleas,
Purple mouthwash for his breath,
Deodorant to stop his sweat.
He bought each cereal they presented,
Bought each game that they invented.
Then one day he looked and saw
‘A brand-new Maw, a better Paw!
New, improved in every way —
Hurry, order yours today!’
So, of course, our little Clarence
Sent off for two brand-new parents.
The new ones cam in the morning mail,
The old ones he sold at a garage sale.
And now they all are doing fine:
His new folks treat him sweet and kind,
His old ones work in an old coal mine.
So if your Maw and Paw are mean,
And make you eat your lima beans
And make you wash and make you wait
And never let you stay up late
And scream and scold and preach and pout,
That simply means they’re wearing out.
So send off for two brand-new parents
And you’ll be happy as little Clarence.5Ibid, 154.
KIDNAPPED!
This morning I got kidnapped
By three masked men.
They stopped me on the sidewalk,
And offered me some candy,
And when I wouldn’t take it
They grabbed me by the collar,
And pinned my arms behind me,
And shoved me in the backseat
Of this big black limousine and
Tied my hands behind my back
With sharp and rusty wire.
Then they put a blindfold on me
So I couldn’t see where they took me,
And plugged up y ears with cotton
So I couldn’t hear their voices.
And drove for 20 miles or
At least for 20 minutes, and then
Dragged me from the car down to
Some cold and modly basement,
Where they stuck me in a corner
And went off to get the ransom
Leaving one of them to guard me
With a shotgun pointed at me,
Tied up sitting on a stool…
That’s why I’m late for school!6Ibid, 159.
THEY’VE PUT A BRASSIERE ON A CAMEL
They’ve put a brassiere on a camel,
She wasn’t dressed proper, you know.
They’ve put a brassiere on the camel,
So that her humps wouldn’t show.
And they’re making other respectable pants,
They’re even insisting the pigs should wear pants,
They’ll dress up the ducks if we give them the chance
Since they’ve put a brassiere on a camel.They’ve put a brassiere on a camel,
They claim she’s more decent that way.
They’ve put a brassiere on a camel,
The camel had nothing to say.
They squeezed her into it, I’ll never know how,
They say that she looks more respectable now,
Lord knows what they’ve got in mind for the cow,
Since they’ve put a brassiere on a camel.7Ibid, 166.
You might also like:
Roald Dahl’s The Witches: The paragraphs critics called sexist
Why feminist critics accused Dahl of being a misogynist? In its opening, Dahl wrote “all witches are women”
BOOK: THE WITCHES
A Wrinkle in Time: Is it blasphemous or too Christian?
Two reasons Madeleine L’Engle’s book was challenged by religious conservatives
BOOK: A WRINKLE IN TIME
The Giver: The passages about euthanasia and suicide
Why the dystopian novel was considered inappropriate for its young audience? Read the passages on euthanasia and suicide
BOOK: THE GIVER
Endnotes
